In this memoir, Kim Lee takes readers inside the secret society of swingers, also known as "the Lifestyle."

Sex plays a dominant role, but the book's focus is also on human connection and relationships beyond sex. She shares the difficulty of working through her husband's affair and navigating relationship issues that both swingers and non-swingers commonly face. Lee invites the reader to learn from her mistakes and see how to better safeguard their own relationship, regardless of niche lifestyle choice. While marriage is imperfect and hard, she demonstrates that it can also be vibrant, healthy, and even sexy, if both partners put in the work and communicate honestly with each other.

“Tonight, I was a goddess—I felt sexy, empowered and in control. I’ve craved this feeling of power and sexual expression for so long—to ask for and to do what I want (unapologetically) and to allow myself to enjoy my body fully, without being made to feel bad, guilty, repressed, or censured.”

Kim Lee is a psychotherapist with more than 20 years of experience helping clients work through difficulties with relationships and break-downs in communication, including issues of trust and infidelity. Along with her husband, she is also a swinger, a secret unknown to even her children or closest friends.

Intrigued? Order your copy of The Swinger in the Mirror: My Secret Life

“I felt the familiar mixed emotions: I was jealous, watching this beautiful woman engage with my husband, but, at the same time, I was turned on by it. It’s a strange feeling I can’t explain, and I know this is something that most women can’t relate to, but I enjoy watching Kaleb with other women. It excites and arouses me; the thought of another woman wanting my husband makes him even more desirable to me.”

  • "I found this book to be enjoyable and informative. I have always been curious about the different sex lives of other couples and Kim Lee gave me a glimpse into an exciting world of sexual escapades that I had never imagined possible. I was able to relate to the pain she shared about the ups and downs of a marriage and friendships. It made me realize that life is too short to sit and wait for things to happen. I highly recommend this book!"

    Y.Y.

  • "What started with curiosity ended in surprising insight on not just the lifestyle but the realities of marriage. There are real lessons to be learned about relationships and their dynamics even if you don't live the Lifestyle or have any desire to participate in it yourself. Kim's account of her own experience was eye opening and insightful. This is a great read!

    T.M.

  • "This “must read “ book kept me eager to continue reading as the raw emotions and interplay of the characters were enfolding within each chapter. It makes you try to understand the complexities of what a swinger's life can be and how it can affect each person differently."

    L.L.

  • “Madame Kim, c est moi” I could say, paraphrasing Gustave Flaubert's famous phrase in his novel, A Sentimental Education, published in French in 1869..And how can you not think of Flaubert when you’re immersed into the pages of Kim Lee’s memoir – it is a contemporary version of Flaubert’s novel, far from late romanticism, and perfectly written in the 21st century about love and passion as well as bringing to light social awareness of sexual orientation and gender identity. This memoir is in contrast to Flaubert's protagonist, Frederic Moreau, who is more disillusioned and pessimistic about love and relationships. There are various moments in the book that outline the progression between erotic fantasies and actually putting them into practice, which keeps the reader engaged. In their search for a foursome connection, Kim and her husband continually find themselves in problematic situations with the other couple, which inevitably leads to a crisis within their own relationship. These challenges and struggles inspire the protagonists - Kim and Kaleb - to reflect on their own feelings and emotions and learn how to better improve their connection and communication style as a couple. Eventually, Kim and Kaleb find themselves ready to embark on a path of gradual awareness and understanding of each other’s perspectives in terms of their sexual and emotional needs and desired goals in the Lifestyle and in their relationship, creating - as John Gottman, an American psychologist, would say – “shared meaning” as a couple. Kim Lee was able to successfully convey in her book how essential communication and sexual harmony are in keeping a long-term relationship progressive and alive. Highly recommend this read!

    L.S.

  • "As a swinger myself, I can say that this book is an accurate description of the intricacies (both fun and not-so-fun) of the lifestyle. It's an appealing read for swingers of any degree, as well as for non-swingers. Although sexy at times, the core of the book is the complexities of interpersonal relationships (familial, romantic, sexual) and especially of one's own relationship with oneself."

    J.B.

  • "It was EXCELLENT! Swinger in the Mirror is part steamy sex novel part emotional evolution memoir. As someone outside the lifestyle, I was impressed by how so many of Kim's inner thoughts felt relevant."

    Meredith Hackwith Edwards, host of Meredith for Real: The Curious Introvert

  • "I couldn’t put this book down! Kim’s story is one of heartAche and heartJoy, betrayal and redemption, and hope that, even when you feel like you’ve been broken apart, maybe—just maybe—there’s still one fragment left standing that can help you put yourself together again. This story is more than an insider’s look into the Lifestyle—at its core, it’s about relationships and how we manage when trust dissolves."

    G.M.

  • “In 'The Swinger in the Mirror,' Kim Lee's openness about her personal experiences as a swinger is both energizing and thought-provoking. This book delves deep into the intricacies of human connection, making it a fascinating read for anyone interested in the complexities of relationships.”

    K

  • "Kim Lee's 'The Swinger in the Mirror' is a candid exploration of her secret life as a swinger. It offers a fresh perspective on relationships and trust, making it a must-read for those curious about unconventional lifestyles."

    D

  • "Kim Lee's memoir not only offers a glimpse into the world of swingers but also delves into the challenges of typical relationship problems. Her message on the value of honest communication is a valuable takeaway for anyone looking to improve their own relationship."

    B

  • "With 'The Swinger in the Mirror,' Kim Lee manages to bridge the gap between those in the swinging lifestyle and a broader audience seeking relationship insights. Her narrative is an inspiring reminder that with effort and communication, any partnership can thrive."

    R.K.

  • "In 'The Swinger in the Mirror,' Kim Lee's openness about her personal experiences as a swinger is both energizing and thought-provoking. This book delves deep into the intricacies of human connection, making it a fascinating read for anyone interested in the complexities of relationships."

    King

  • "Kim Lee's 'The Swinger in the Mirror' is a candid exploration of her secret life as a swinger. It offers a fresh perspective on relationships and trust, making it a must-read for those curious about unconventional lifestyles."

    David

  • "Kim Lee's memoir not only offers a glimpse into the world of swingers but also delves into the challenges of typical relationship problems. Her message on the value of honest communication is a valuable takeaway for anyone looking to improve their own relationship."

    Book Lover

  • "With 'The Swinger in the Mirror,' Kim Lee manages to bridge the gap between those in the swinging lifestyle and a broader audience seeking relationship insights. Her narrative is an inspiring reminder that with effort and communication, any partnership can thrive."

    R. K.

  • "The Swinger in the Mirror is a compelling exploration of the intricate dynamics of swinging and open relationships. Author, Kim Lee, intricately weaves personal experiences and insight into the lifestyle, delving deep into the emotional complexities and intricacies of ethically non-monogamous partnerships. This book poignantly captures the delicate balance between trust, communication, and individual needs within a swinging lifestyle. Lee adeptly navigates through the highs and lows, discussing the perils of jealousy and misunderstandings while illuminating the immense rewards of honesty, compersion, and strengthened connections in open relationships. A must-read for anyone curious about exploring alternative relationship structures, it offers invaluable wisdom, fostering a deeper understanding of the diverse facets of love and intimacy in the modern world."New List Item

    S.H.

  • "The Swinger in the Mirror" stands as a unique blend of professional expertise and personal revelation, providing a rare glimpse into the challenges, triumphs, and the intricate dance of love and commitment within the hidden world of swinging. Lee's narrative unfolds as a testimony to the resilience of marriage, proving that, with open communication and sincere effort, relationships can flourish, even in the most unconventional circumstances."

    Grace J.